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An Open Letter To The Owners Of Diemersfontein Pinotage

To whom it may concern,

I would humbly like to submit my name as a candidate for your "One Year Sponsorship of Free Wine" campaign. And while I understand that you don't actually HAVE a "One Year Sponsorship of Free Wine" campaign, I think you will soon agree that it is a very very good idea. And that I should be the first to benefit.

'Til Murder Do Us Part

It is a constant source of amazement to me that men (in general), and my husband (in particular), believe in fairies ... 

Oh, don't get me wrong - if you ever ASK a man if he believes in fairies, he will look at you as if you have suddenly sprouted disgustingly long nostril hairs and will adamantly refuse any belief in or knowledge of these creatures... But, as Dr Phil often says ... your actions speak louder than your words... and my husband's actions tell me that he does, indeed, believe in fairies. House fairies, in particular... 

Big Announcement - We Are Becoming Amish!

Stephen and I have come up with THE most brilliant idea - we are going to become Amish! We have decided to leave the stresses and strains of city life behind us and live off the land instead. It's going to be fantastic.

‘Til Snoring Do Us Part

I received an email from one of my readers earlier this week asking if it was socially acceptable for her and her husband to have separate bedrooms. Apparently they have been married for 6 glorious years but his snoring is driving her to drink. Literally. And so I dug out one of my columns from a few years back when I was a (highly irreverent but very funny) Agony Aunty - I do hope my "suggestions" help those of you that are married to the equivalent of a chainsaw! Oh, and #4 is my personal favourite!

Keeping Abreast Of Things...

Yesterday was all about facing fears for me. To be honest, I am more a stick-my-head-in-the-sand kind of person as opposed to let's-bloody-well-face-this-thing-head-on kind of person, so when my GP suggested I get a mammogram, I felt my stomach go into knots. There wasn't anything MAJORLY wrong with me - just swollen and painful glands under my arms that weren't linked to any noticeable infection, but sore enough to pop a few Myprodols every now and then.

On Thin Ice...

We all know I am married to a bit of a nutcase, no surprises there. (My family firmly maintains that of COURSE Stephen is completely mad because why else would he have chosen to marry me in the first place? Apparently I should do everything I can to make my marriage work because no-one else on God's Green Earth will want me and that this is my Last Chance To Avoid Living Alone And Being Eaten By One Of My Cats. How lovely.)

Anyway, back to what I was saying before you distracted me.

Mass Confusion In My Corner Of The World!

I hate to be overly dramatic, but I think I am in serious danger of becoming schizophrenic. Stop laughing, I am being deadly serious.

You see, ever since the beginning of the year, I have been working tirelessly on simplifying my life (and yes, I am aware of the irony in saying that!) Stephen and I are cutting unnecessary costs, we have managed to identify things that add stress to our lives and are either fixing or eradicating them, and we have both joined the Hands-Free Revolution and now spend a lot less time on our phones when we are at home.

The Rooster That Lost Its Doo

Between you and me, I am starting to get a little concerned about Stephen. He has developed this rather odd look on his face, one in which he looks deeply concerned and completely bewildered. I am hoping it's not the onset of some weird syndrome where he starts drooling out the side of his mouth or licking windows. 

I May Need To Go Hands-Free...

*Disclaimer - this is not a funny post - just something I have been thinking about for a while!

I had a bit of a sombre moment this weekend. To be honest, it is something that has been brewing for about a year (I know, I am a slow learner!), something I thought about quite a bit while we were overseas this December, and something I keep MEANING to action, but never quite get around to doing. Because it is inconvenient. Because I don't REALLY want to do it. And because - like going to the gym and booking a dentist appointment, it's something that I always keep putting off until tomorrow.

Death By GPS

We're back home after an absolutely AMAZING holiday - two weeks in the UK celebrating Christmas with family and a further two weeks in France exploring new regions (also known as "eating ourselves into a coma"). It was honestly one of the most memorable holidays I have ever had - made even more so by the fact that our GPS tried to kill us.