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Getting Rid Of A Stalker In 3... 2... 1...

For some reason known only to the universe, I do seem to attract a rather INTERESTING group of men. A rather disheveled man once tried to pick me up in the toothpaste aisle (not literally of course, although I wouldn't have put it past him) because my "trolley reflected good oral hygiene". He then proceeded to follow me all the way to my car, begging for my phone number.

A bank teller once told me that I have an incredibly pure aura and that our stars were perfectly aligned for years of happiness together. Something I chose not to explore further because he happened to be wearing more make up than me.

And then last week happened - a rather bizarre incident with The Mulch Man who mistook my SMS asking for a quote on 40 square metres of mulch for flirtation. Erm, right. What started as an SMS (I found his number on a Gumtree advert and decided an SMS was faster than an email), then switched to WhatsApp (a thrifty move on his part) and a quick stalk of my profile pic. And while I quite like being told that I have a "beautiful face" and being sent the odd kissy face on WhatsApp, I would far rather it didn't come from a complete stranger, aka The Mulch Man!

This obviously required a great deal of thought and some careful planning. I have learnt the hard way that ignoring some men only makes them try harder and telling them to go away is (more often than not) considered foreplay. I needed something that would make him CHOOSE to leave me alone.

Hence my reply below. 


And you know, I haven't heard from him since!!

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